Transformation of Mind by, Myself

I was going through some notebooks the other night, when I actually took pen to paper and wrote in notebooks prior to getting this wonderful technological invention called a netbook and decided that it was time again for me to post an attempt at poetry. This was from 2008 at a time when I was trying to teach myself how to write poetry in a more structured fashion. Monica, where are your sonnets?

I am
...a quick study
...a fast read
...a slow screw

Take care of me
Like a china cup
That shatters in
too tight a grasp

I am
...a lapdog
...a panther
...a badger

Baring my teeth
to protect the innocent
I don't fear death
I don't live life

I am
...a cold demon
...a loud prowler
...a silent protestor

When shadows fall
My doom shatters
in the mist

I used to care so much,
it made my eyes burn

Now I sit, chalice in hand
watching the rain wash
the boards beneath
my pink painted toes

I am
...Fearless
...Cowering
...Silent

@KMJ 2008

We All Have "Our Things"

The idea for this post came from a recent e-mail discussion that I had with my dear friend Meg. We all have these "things" that if they were to happen our lives would be so much better. For some the thing would be to get married, if they could only find a spouse how much better their life would be! Others may be longing for things like a thinner body, home ownership, a child, or a college degree. It doesn't really matter what the thing is, whether it is big or small, with most of us it is the longing for a thing that would make our lives complete. I often find myself thinking that if I had only published a book my life would somehow be more complete. When I was younger I used to have this discussion with friends, we would talk about our young adulthood and how we were working towards college degrees then graduate degrees and then we would find jobs and maybe get married, buy a house, have some kids, and then what...well the "then what" stage is the stage that I am in now and I find that the biggest difficulty of "then what" is choosing what to do rather than having it planned for me based on my time in life.

The things tend to be more challenging than the stages. Often we do get the things that we long for to make our lives complete and when we get them, they are nothing like we expected. This is especially true for things that aren't really things like marriage and children. In the case of actual things, the getting of them usually doesn't offer completeness. More often than not, the getting of them results in the desire to have something better. A starter home is great to own, but won't it be great when we can move to a different neighborhood or have this much more square footage. If one is jobless, having money to live may be the desired, and necessary, thing. When the joblessness is left behind and money is coming in, there is always the temptation to want more, to earn more, and to collect more. The money to live is no longer enough and the thing is transformed.

It doesn't really matter what the things are. We all have them. They change. They grow. If we let them they consume us, our minds and our conversations. It is a challenge to be happy where you are at and know that, for whatever reason, you are meant to be in this particular place at this particular time. It takes knowing yourself and learning how to be content, maybe there are things that can make us more fulfilled and more happy, the problem is learning to know just what those are.

Words of Wisdom

A fanatic can't change their mind and won't change the subject.

Golf Swing Rules for Women

Next time that I go golfing, I am going to try very hard to remember this little poem. I don't know the origin, my friend Julie passed it on to me and it sounds, based on my experience, like good advice.

1) Brush the grass
2) Lower your ass
3) Shoulder to chin
4) Pussy to pin

If I am able to accomplish all four rules, especially the last one, and smack the ball over 200 yards I will be very happy.

Here's to Great Friends!

When I take the timeto stop and reflect on what wonderful friends I have, I can't help but feel overwhelmed with good furtune. The other night a friend of mine in my neighborhood threw an awesome party. It was so awesome in fact that her recently laid off and moved back home twenty-three year old son had the date circled on his calendar as a date when he would be spending the night at his sister's apartment, away from his version of hell, a party thrown by his mother for her friends! We ate food prepared by a local hobby chef, drank Bazooka cocktails, we danced and later in the evening the theme song became "I am not a Whore" by LMFAO. After this fun filled evening, which ran far too late for a "school night," I began my self reflection on my fortunate friendships, not just in my neighborhood, but in places throughout the world. If there is one gift that I hope to pass onto my children, it is that ability to choose great friends and keep them close, no matter how far the distance. Here's to great friendships!

Snow Patrol - Crack The Shutters

Writers who Write in Their Time

It was on this day in 1939 that John Steinbeck published "The Grapes of Wrath." The novel tells the story of three generations of the Joad family, who lose their farm in Oklahoma and set off across the country for the paradise of California, only to encounter extreme poverty and corrupt corporations trying to make a profit off them. He wrote the novel at an incredible rate — about two thousands words a day — in a tiny outhouse that had just enough room for a bed, a desk, a gun rack, and a bookshelf. He finished it in about five months. When he was done, he wasn't very satisfied with it: He wrote in his journal, "It's just a run-of-the-mill book, and the awful thing is that it is absolutely the best I can do." And he warned his publisher that it wouldn't be very popular.