Today I went to a parent meeting at church regarding the middle school program. Since the beginning of school, the middle schoolers have alternated between sitting in the church service and meeting together as a group during the morning service that we traditionally attend. This is my daughter's first year in the middle school program and I have been quite satisfied with this change. For years now I have walked by the room where the middle schoolers meet and have seen nothing but chaos, loud music, and young leaders. Quite frankly, it didn't look like they were doing much of anything but mucking about. I came to the meeting today, newbie that I am, hopeful that other parents may be embracing this change as much as me and I couldn't have been more wrong.
They are up in arms, they want the old format back, well not everyone, but the few who talked...and talked...and talked again sure did. My view had been wrong they said, the kids did get some teaching the way that the group ran before. It came out slowly, over the course of the meeting that the Sunday mornings did not offer much in the way of teaching. Most of the parents claimed to have brought their children back for other kinds of meetings during the week. That doesn't really work for us, so I was glad to have much of the teaching concentrated on Sunday mornings and more of the fun during the week.
I must say that the minister in charge of this age group was extraordinarily professional and has a solid vision. Some of the more challenging parents referred to this as a "theory that doesn't apply well in practice." That depends, in my opinion, on what kind of parent you are. The resounding theme from the vocal group was, "my child doesn't want to come to church anymore." My thought is that they just shouldn't have a choice. Now don't get me wrong, I think that my children can have choices in many things, such as whether they want to bring or buy their lunch, who they invite to their birthday party, what they chose to wear on a given day as long as it is appropriate, but if your family value is that you go to church and you go to church together, then to church they should go. Sometimes church isn't fun. School often isn't fun, yet these parents do not give their children a choice about going or not going.
Maybe your family value is that each member decides for themselves whether they will go to church or not. It seemed that most of the parents present at the meeting today hold the value that they should all go to church together, but that they have middle schoolers who don't want to go because it isn't fun. This seems to be a child rearing method that I missed out on, even though these parents have children roughly the same age as mine, my husband and I just don't believe in letting the kids run the show. Good habits start at home. Every family should have traditions and values that all members participate in regardless of the desire factor, this sets the groundwork for children to learn delayed gratification and the long term value of sticking with something. Shame on these parents for using church as yet another entertainment medium.
Showing posts with label Arm-Chair Psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Arm-Chair Psychology. Show all posts
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
The Listening Ear
Yesterday I went to a professional conference about supervision. It was interesting in that many of the concepts and tools presented were quite elementary in nature and also things that I thought that I knew and maybe even thought that I was using. The speaker had a way of presenting these simplistic concepts in a way that made them seem new to me. Being a good listener is hard, it takes work, it takes practice, and sometimes one might even need to be taught how to listen.
When I was a pre-adolescent I remember my first experiences with someone who truly listened. It was the wife of the pastor of the church that I attended. Last week I visited that church for the first time in probably fifteen years and she just happened to be there. Her husband has long since passed away and she is quite elderly, but far from frail. The church has grown significantly since her tenure there, but way back when it was also considered to be a large church. She still listens. She clutched my hand and focused her eyes right on me although surrounded by a number of other people who also wanted a bit of her attention. I am not even sure if she really remembered who I was, but she still made me feel like I mattered. After she was done with me, she graciously turned to the next expectant person, and when it was time for her to catch her ride back to the assisted living facility, her exit was graceful and well-timed.
I know from talking to other people throughout the years that I am not the only person who feels this way in her presence. She had that gift when she was younger, the wife of a man pastoring a large church with her children still young enough to be at home. She has always been the best listener that I have ever met. Now I am not being critical of my friends, many of them are good and some are even excellent listeners. But sitting in that seminar yesterday made me think back to this woman because she had mastered the art of making people feel like they mattered in more of a professional sense. As I work in an area where people are sometimes in vulnerable positions, I have more than once wished for this gift. Not that it wouldn't hurt for me to listen better in my personal life as well.
So now begins the work and practice of making myself a better listener in general even when I might not want to listen. Hmmm...I probably should try and do that at work. At home? I guess that I will just have to take it one step at a time.
When I was a pre-adolescent I remember my first experiences with someone who truly listened. It was the wife of the pastor of the church that I attended. Last week I visited that church for the first time in probably fifteen years and she just happened to be there. Her husband has long since passed away and she is quite elderly, but far from frail. The church has grown significantly since her tenure there, but way back when it was also considered to be a large church. She still listens. She clutched my hand and focused her eyes right on me although surrounded by a number of other people who also wanted a bit of her attention. I am not even sure if she really remembered who I was, but she still made me feel like I mattered. After she was done with me, she graciously turned to the next expectant person, and when it was time for her to catch her ride back to the assisted living facility, her exit was graceful and well-timed.
I know from talking to other people throughout the years that I am not the only person who feels this way in her presence. She had that gift when she was younger, the wife of a man pastoring a large church with her children still young enough to be at home. She has always been the best listener that I have ever met. Now I am not being critical of my friends, many of them are good and some are even excellent listeners. But sitting in that seminar yesterday made me think back to this woman because she had mastered the art of making people feel like they mattered in more of a professional sense. As I work in an area where people are sometimes in vulnerable positions, I have more than once wished for this gift. Not that it wouldn't hurt for me to listen better in my personal life as well.
So now begins the work and practice of making myself a better listener in general even when I might not want to listen. Hmmm...I probably should try and do that at work. At home? I guess that I will just have to take it one step at a time.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Who wants Jeri Ringseth?,,,Nobody.
The Seattle Times has been doing some articles on the state of healthcare. Two recent articles have focused on the plight of patient, Jeri Ringseth. I didn't read the first article, only glanced at the picture under the headline. The picture today was larger and more detailed. When I picked up the paper from our porch this morning, read the headline, and looked at the picture I told my husband that I could already tell him three things about this patient 1) She is mentally ill, 2) She is more physically disabled than she looks, and 3) Her husband somehow enables this condition. Those are the three reasons that she has been in a hospital for 189 days and rejected by over a dozen nursing facilities in the area. Technically nursing facilities cannot legally reject patients based on their lack of ability to pay. Jeri Ringseth is a medicaid patient. But, they can get out of that legality by saying that they are not able to meet the needs of the patient. I agree, they are not. I don't think that the rejection of Jeri Ringseth is based solely on her inability to pay. Of course, staying in the hospital and racking up hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of debt in medical expenses that will be passed on to those who are insured is not cost effective either.
I read the article, and the three things that I predicted were indeed accurate except for the part about the husband, which was hinted at but not fully disclosed. After working in skilled nursing facilities for more years than I care to admit, I have seen this plight many times before. Jeri Ringseth is mentally ill and has the cognitive ability of a third grader. She is a poster child for one of my biggest complaints regarding our present healthcare system and the one proposed by our current president. There are not facilities for those challenged by mental and physical disabilities.
Mental health has always been a "sweep it under the rug" issue. A decade ago our then President Bill Clinton made the decision that institutions were by and large a "bad" thing and many state institutions were shut down thus releasing countless mentally ill patients onto the streets where they continue to live homeless and unmedicated. The plight of those like Jeri Ringseth who also have physical disabilities is even more tragic. In light of these current placement problems, state run institutions don't look like such a bad thing.
Jeri Ringseth wanted to be out of the hospital by her birthday. Today is her birthday and she is still there. Recently, due to digestive problems, a feeding tube was placed which ironically might make finding a nursing home that will accept her easier. Due to her severe diabetes and subsequent loss of both legs, the feeding tube will ensure that the nursing facility doesn't have to monitor what she eats. This may sound lazy on the part of the nursing facility, but it is a very real issue. Jeri Ringseth suffers from severe diabetes, she has lost both legs because of this condition. I am not a doctor, but based on my own experience I have never seen a diabetic who monitored their diet and blood sugar levels lose limbs. This puts her in the category of someone who more than likely is unable to monitor herself.
I will wait for the next installment of the Jeri Ringseth story. Will she be placed in a skilled nursing facility? Will she remain in the hospital? or Will she go back home to live with her spouse (highly unlikely given the circumstances)?
I read the article, and the three things that I predicted were indeed accurate except for the part about the husband, which was hinted at but not fully disclosed. After working in skilled nursing facilities for more years than I care to admit, I have seen this plight many times before. Jeri Ringseth is mentally ill and has the cognitive ability of a third grader. She is a poster child for one of my biggest complaints regarding our present healthcare system and the one proposed by our current president. There are not facilities for those challenged by mental and physical disabilities.
Mental health has always been a "sweep it under the rug" issue. A decade ago our then President Bill Clinton made the decision that institutions were by and large a "bad" thing and many state institutions were shut down thus releasing countless mentally ill patients onto the streets where they continue to live homeless and unmedicated. The plight of those like Jeri Ringseth who also have physical disabilities is even more tragic. In light of these current placement problems, state run institutions don't look like such a bad thing.
Jeri Ringseth wanted to be out of the hospital by her birthday. Today is her birthday and she is still there. Recently, due to digestive problems, a feeding tube was placed which ironically might make finding a nursing home that will accept her easier. Due to her severe diabetes and subsequent loss of both legs, the feeding tube will ensure that the nursing facility doesn't have to monitor what she eats. This may sound lazy on the part of the nursing facility, but it is a very real issue. Jeri Ringseth suffers from severe diabetes, she has lost both legs because of this condition. I am not a doctor, but based on my own experience I have never seen a diabetic who monitored their diet and blood sugar levels lose limbs. This puts her in the category of someone who more than likely is unable to monitor herself.
I will wait for the next installment of the Jeri Ringseth story. Will she be placed in a skilled nursing facility? Will she remain in the hospital? or Will she go back home to live with her spouse (highly unlikely given the circumstances)?
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Taking on Big Problems
I want to thank fellow blogger Snowflake for her latest post on how no one has the market cornered on problems. I will be the first to admit that it takes me a while to actually talk about my problems unless they are relatively minor and have to do with some day-to-day complaint. Usually my husband is an easy target, especially when he is acting like my supposedly non-existent fourth child, but so I digress. This last year has been a challenging one in our community and 2010, in many ways, does not seem to be off to a better start for some. In and amidst all of these goings on, we somehow manage to stay on course. Nothing big has plagued our family, thank God and I really have more than my share to be thankful for. It does not mean that I do not have problems. Just because they aren't big doesn't mean that they aren't there. I think that it is easy in the midst of big problems to talk about them with people that you might feel are not experiencing this depth of problem themselves. Gee, I hope that made sense. Probably this is a good idea since talking about them with someone who has the similar depth of problems may lead to wallowing and one upmanship and could just get downright uncomfortable.
This last year has taught me much about myself and how I handle and react to problems and stress in the lives of others. Often I can be a very good listener and I hope an understanding one, because I have learned how to take care of me. If I forget what I need I can quickly feel overburdened. I used to think that I could actually help people solve their problems and help them find a plan. In this last year, many of the problems that I have faced with friends have been so monumentally big and so impossible to solve that I have learned that one doesn't always need a plan. In fact, a plan might often not be forthcoming for months or even years in some cases.
If there is one thing that I want to be remembered for at the end of my life it is that I was a good friend. Sometimes I realize that I am not and no one ever is, there are limitations. I can listen, I can support, I don't need to internalize everything, I can take a breather and still be a good friend. This is the best that I can offer and in the end, most of the time, it is probably enough.
This last year has taught me much about myself and how I handle and react to problems and stress in the lives of others. Often I can be a very good listener and I hope an understanding one, because I have learned how to take care of me. If I forget what I need I can quickly feel overburdened. I used to think that I could actually help people solve their problems and help them find a plan. In this last year, many of the problems that I have faced with friends have been so monumentally big and so impossible to solve that I have learned that one doesn't always need a plan. In fact, a plan might often not be forthcoming for months or even years in some cases.
If there is one thing that I want to be remembered for at the end of my life it is that I was a good friend. Sometimes I realize that I am not and no one ever is, there are limitations. I can listen, I can support, I don't need to internalize everything, I can take a breather and still be a good friend. This is the best that I can offer and in the end, most of the time, it is probably enough.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Time Management-Take it in a New Direction
Last night I read an interesting article in the latest edition of the Utne Reader. It was a discussion regarding attention and focus. New research suggests that we don't have a finite amount of attention, each of us can tap into more attention and focus by directing ourselves to attend and focus on the right things. In regards to the right things, we are all different I have been thinking about this lately and realize that I direct more focus and attention than I would like to things that aren't really important to me such as, picking up my house, doing laundry, running never ending errands, and driving.
As a mother it is essential that I do some of this, but I have been thinking about how to gift myself with more energy and attention to important things and I realized that those seemingly meaningless tasks bring me no joy whatsoever, but the outcomes bring me happiness. I like the house to be clean, I love the smell of clean laundry and it is nice to have a choice of what clothes to wear, I like to check "done" on my to do list, and driving usually means that I am doing something that a) needs to be done for myself, b) is important for my children, or c) may be taking us somewhere where we actually want to go. So, in that light, all of these things that take my time and attention are important and need attending to.
What needs to change is how I make these necessary activities part of my life and enjoy said outcomes without allowing them to take over. I will start with picking up the house. What makes me eternally joyful and ever so happy is when my children and my husband actually clean up their own messes. To that end I will be directing more attention to teaching my children how to do this. I doubt that I will be able to actually teach my husband how to pick up after himself, but I have heard the children remind him to do so on more than one occasion and that is a start. For me, there is always meditation or copious amounts of red wine. Messes don't seem to bother me as much when I engage in either one of those activities.
Whenever a mother says that she wants to "be happy," it is considered selfish. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that if I ain't happy, this household of mine isn't very happy either. I don't mean this in a selfish, surface kind of way. True inner happiness is important, mother or not. In this most people are the same. People are happy when they are able to attend to things that bring them pleasure. Attention is an ethereal concept. I am trying to make it more solid. The Utne Reader article recommends using some form of meditation, or having periods of time when you are able to empty your mind and "zone out." Apparently it is during these periods of time that humans are able to recharge their capacity for creativity and center on the things that are important. This has always been challenging for me, I sense that is the case for many of us type "A's," but I have to say that I am getting better. Yoga at least once a week has been a good start. Sitting down and actually completing this post without jumping up to attend to every argument going on between my children or to clean up the leftover dinner food has been another. Day by day, hour by hour...
As a mother it is essential that I do some of this, but I have been thinking about how to gift myself with more energy and attention to important things and I realized that those seemingly meaningless tasks bring me no joy whatsoever, but the outcomes bring me happiness. I like the house to be clean, I love the smell of clean laundry and it is nice to have a choice of what clothes to wear, I like to check "done" on my to do list, and driving usually means that I am doing something that a) needs to be done for myself, b) is important for my children, or c) may be taking us somewhere where we actually want to go. So, in that light, all of these things that take my time and attention are important and need attending to.
What needs to change is how I make these necessary activities part of my life and enjoy said outcomes without allowing them to take over. I will start with picking up the house. What makes me eternally joyful and ever so happy is when my children and my husband actually clean up their own messes. To that end I will be directing more attention to teaching my children how to do this. I doubt that I will be able to actually teach my husband how to pick up after himself, but I have heard the children remind him to do so on more than one occasion and that is a start. For me, there is always meditation or copious amounts of red wine. Messes don't seem to bother me as much when I engage in either one of those activities.
Whenever a mother says that she wants to "be happy," it is considered selfish. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that if I ain't happy, this household of mine isn't very happy either. I don't mean this in a selfish, surface kind of way. True inner happiness is important, mother or not. In this most people are the same. People are happy when they are able to attend to things that bring them pleasure. Attention is an ethereal concept. I am trying to make it more solid. The Utne Reader article recommends using some form of meditation, or having periods of time when you are able to empty your mind and "zone out." Apparently it is during these periods of time that humans are able to recharge their capacity for creativity and center on the things that are important. This has always been challenging for me, I sense that is the case for many of us type "A's," but I have to say that I am getting better. Yoga at least once a week has been a good start. Sitting down and actually completing this post without jumping up to attend to every argument going on between my children or to clean up the leftover dinner food has been another. Day by day, hour by hour...
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Ideal Weight
Weight is a hot topic for most women and many men. I have noticed, however, that men don't get niggled about the weight thing as much as women unless they are obese. It is true that there is a time and season for everything, including weight. As a pregnant women, I was the heavier than I had ever been in my life. After having babies, my weight usually went down, but then I would pack on the pounds when nursing because I was always hungry. Suffice it to say, that in early middle age I no longer have a girlish figure. There is nothing wrong with that though, because I am no longer a girl. That doesn't mean that I don't feel like I have an ideal weight for me though. This ideal would be the weight that I feel most confident, am able to fit into clothes that I like, and do the activities that I enjoy.
For whatever reason I have been hearing and reading quite a bit about women and weight, mothers in particular, and comments like "why would you care about losing weight after a baby" or "it is superficial to care about losing weight" seem to abound. Well, just because one becomes a mother doesn't mean that they instantly lose their sense of self and are suddenly inhabited by their children. The fact that a woman wants to dress in decent clothes and have an active and healthy lifestyle unhindered by being over weight should never be considered superficial. It seems as though when a woman states that she wants to lose weight, people assume that it must be because she wants to look like Barbie. The weight debate then becomes another issue that can separate women and cause negativity about image to bloom.
This just shouldn't be the case. I know that this post seems a bit confusing, but I am trying to make the point that women shouldn't be niggled about weight loss. If you are uncomfortable at your current weight, can't wear the clothes that you like, and are hindered from activities that you enjoy, than work to lose those pounds and don't feel guilty. For every woman that does this, there will be another woman who is happy with herself being a bit heavier, a woman who has taken the trade-off and enjoys eating any food that they want without guilt and guilty they shouldn't be made to feel. I can't stress enough how much more helpful and positive this whole issue would be if there was more variety in the damn media that many of us try to avoid and if articles on how the latest star shed her baby pounds and now looks like she just emerged from the concentration camp diet shouldn't be allowed at all! Bring back the Dove ads, I for one appreciate and relate to the variety.
For whatever reason I have been hearing and reading quite a bit about women and weight, mothers in particular, and comments like "why would you care about losing weight after a baby" or "it is superficial to care about losing weight" seem to abound. Well, just because one becomes a mother doesn't mean that they instantly lose their sense of self and are suddenly inhabited by their children. The fact that a woman wants to dress in decent clothes and have an active and healthy lifestyle unhindered by being over weight should never be considered superficial. It seems as though when a woman states that she wants to lose weight, people assume that it must be because she wants to look like Barbie. The weight debate then becomes another issue that can separate women and cause negativity about image to bloom.
This just shouldn't be the case. I know that this post seems a bit confusing, but I am trying to make the point that women shouldn't be niggled about weight loss. If you are uncomfortable at your current weight, can't wear the clothes that you like, and are hindered from activities that you enjoy, than work to lose those pounds and don't feel guilty. For every woman that does this, there will be another woman who is happy with herself being a bit heavier, a woman who has taken the trade-off and enjoys eating any food that they want without guilt and guilty they shouldn't be made to feel. I can't stress enough how much more helpful and positive this whole issue would be if there was more variety in the damn media that many of us try to avoid and if articles on how the latest star shed her baby pounds and now looks like she just emerged from the concentration camp diet shouldn't be allowed at all! Bring back the Dove ads, I for one appreciate and relate to the variety.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
New Year's Resolutions
It is a popular thing to do this time of year, post resolutions to rid oneself of bad habits and replace them with good ones in the new year. I like to do this and have had more lists than I can keep track of in my lifetime that urge me to throw away my vices and become a better person. Now in the year 2010 I find that I have a few resolutions that I can put out there and will probably be willing to keep throughout the year. I don't know about giving up my vices (red wine, coffee, paper books, and hair products) but I do know that there are a few areas of self-improvement that I must try and hold myself accountable to.
The first one would be finding time and space to write more often and maybe in shorter bursts. I plan to tackle the project of shopping for a small, portable computer that I can call my own (i.e., one that I don't share with the rest of the family) hopefully as soon as this weekend. Ideally, it would be nice to be home to write, but in reality I am rarely ever home, at least not during the day and at night I am just to damn tired. So a quick and portable method that does not require paper and pen is most likely what I need to make this goal a reality. At present I do write. It just comes in short and prolific bursts whereby I produce copious amounts of non-quality written work.
Planning a fitness regimen and diet is always a popular one. I have always worked out in one form or another. It was a habit that I started in high school. The difference between me then and me now is caloric intake. Before I started heading towards dreaded middle age, I could eat any amount of whatever I wanted and burn it all off quickly with a five mile run. Now I really have to watch what and how much I eat or there is literally no workout in the world that will help me get rid of the extra pounds. So, I resolve this year to continue doing my workouts as always AND to monitor what goes into my mouth more closely. I have had to become more diligent regarding this if I don't want to weigh 300 pounds, but I still think that there is room for improvement.
I am going to start making coffee more often at home. Yes, I do live in latteland and Howard Schultz resides somewhere in a nearby neighborhood, so by going to Starbucks almost daily I am supporting a local business, right? Well, that may be so, but the support is expensive! I have already started doing this and found that I have been missing steaming, home brewed coffee especially at this chilly time of year.
Other areas that I could try to do better in include the following: Remembering birthdays, I am truly rubbish at this. I don't really hold my own birthday in very high or special regard, so I am not always that great about honoring the birthdays of others. Perhaps it is time that I become a bit less egocentric about this. I also need to tie up loose ends in my personal life. Sometimes I have terrific amounts of difficulty saying "no." I don't seem to have this trouble at work, mostly just in personal situations. There are definitely some personal situations that I need to resolve. I must become less passive-aggressive this year and become slightly more comfortable with a wee bit of conflict here and there. The last thing that I must do on a very regular basis is learn how to relax. We went away over the holiday and I got so relaxed that when I came home I forgot about a number of things that needed doing, including renewing my professional license which I was able, thankfully, to do on-line. I am now thinking that if I relaxed a little and more often, maybe I wouldn't fall into such a pit of laziness and confusion when returning from a restful vacation. The great news here is that my sleep issues are finally being resolved and I am now able to get great sleep most nights without medication.
That's all for now! I will try to update progress WHEN it happens.
The first one would be finding time and space to write more often and maybe in shorter bursts. I plan to tackle the project of shopping for a small, portable computer that I can call my own (i.e., one that I don't share with the rest of the family) hopefully as soon as this weekend. Ideally, it would be nice to be home to write, but in reality I am rarely ever home, at least not during the day and at night I am just to damn tired. So a quick and portable method that does not require paper and pen is most likely what I need to make this goal a reality. At present I do write. It just comes in short and prolific bursts whereby I produce copious amounts of non-quality written work.
Planning a fitness regimen and diet is always a popular one. I have always worked out in one form or another. It was a habit that I started in high school. The difference between me then and me now is caloric intake. Before I started heading towards dreaded middle age, I could eat any amount of whatever I wanted and burn it all off quickly with a five mile run. Now I really have to watch what and how much I eat or there is literally no workout in the world that will help me get rid of the extra pounds. So, I resolve this year to continue doing my workouts as always AND to monitor what goes into my mouth more closely. I have had to become more diligent regarding this if I don't want to weigh 300 pounds, but I still think that there is room for improvement.
I am going to start making coffee more often at home. Yes, I do live in latteland and Howard Schultz resides somewhere in a nearby neighborhood, so by going to Starbucks almost daily I am supporting a local business, right? Well, that may be so, but the support is expensive! I have already started doing this and found that I have been missing steaming, home brewed coffee especially at this chilly time of year.
Other areas that I could try to do better in include the following: Remembering birthdays, I am truly rubbish at this. I don't really hold my own birthday in very high or special regard, so I am not always that great about honoring the birthdays of others. Perhaps it is time that I become a bit less egocentric about this. I also need to tie up loose ends in my personal life. Sometimes I have terrific amounts of difficulty saying "no." I don't seem to have this trouble at work, mostly just in personal situations. There are definitely some personal situations that I need to resolve. I must become less passive-aggressive this year and become slightly more comfortable with a wee bit of conflict here and there. The last thing that I must do on a very regular basis is learn how to relax. We went away over the holiday and I got so relaxed that when I came home I forgot about a number of things that needed doing, including renewing my professional license which I was able, thankfully, to do on-line. I am now thinking that if I relaxed a little and more often, maybe I wouldn't fall into such a pit of laziness and confusion when returning from a restful vacation. The great news here is that my sleep issues are finally being resolved and I am now able to get great sleep most nights without medication.
That's all for now! I will try to update progress WHEN it happens.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Two Sides of a Similar Coin
Yesterday a friend of mine told me a story that made me feel sad. She knows a large family through her parents and they have a son who is now eleven and quite obviously has Autism. The obviousness of the diagnosis was apparent when he was a toddler. The mother of this boy was encouraged by friends and professionals to seek a diagnosis and help for her son. She declined, passing it off as a language delay and never sought services for this child. He is now eleven and unable to communicate, his behavior is getting increasingly more difficult for the family to control. Now I am told that these parents wish that they had provided their son with the services that he needed when he was younger because now it is too late to get some of those things going. I have trouble understand why parents would not want to help their children be the best that they can be. Here is a boy that could have learned to communicate and have life skills to help him become more independent. The problem is that when these services are started too late, they are that much harder to learn. The chances now of living independently are quire slim for this child. There isn't much hope here because of the parents unwillingness to embrace their child for who he is.
Later that afternoon I went over to pick one of my daughters up from a playdate and was invited in to have a glass of wine. Another mother was also there to pick up her son from a playdate. We were talking and she told me that she had a ten-year-old boy with Autism and that he went to a special school in our area. He has been in this school since he was a toddler and that combined with extra therapy at home has helped him to become verbal and independent in many areas despite his diagnosis. This mother told me that she and her husband decided to ignore the advice of a well-meaning pediatrician who told them that it was just a language delay. They thought it was more and actively worked to get services for their son at an early age. They are now reaping the benefits of this. There is hope here because the parents are willing to accept their child for who he is.
I am not trying to be critical of parents. I am a parent. I am also a specialist who works with children with disabilities. I would like to think that I would be able to be strong and put my pride behind me if I had a child with a physical or cognitive impairment. It takes time. But when people throw you a lifeline early on and encourage diagnostic testing and intervention, why not take it. What would any parent have to lose by trying these options. It seems to me that they have everything to lose by not doing anything.
Later that afternoon I went over to pick one of my daughters up from a playdate and was invited in to have a glass of wine. Another mother was also there to pick up her son from a playdate. We were talking and she told me that she had a ten-year-old boy with Autism and that he went to a special school in our area. He has been in this school since he was a toddler and that combined with extra therapy at home has helped him to become verbal and independent in many areas despite his diagnosis. This mother told me that she and her husband decided to ignore the advice of a well-meaning pediatrician who told them that it was just a language delay. They thought it was more and actively worked to get services for their son at an early age. They are now reaping the benefits of this. There is hope here because the parents are willing to accept their child for who he is.
I am not trying to be critical of parents. I am a parent. I am also a specialist who works with children with disabilities. I would like to think that I would be able to be strong and put my pride behind me if I had a child with a physical or cognitive impairment. It takes time. But when people throw you a lifeline early on and encourage diagnostic testing and intervention, why not take it. What would any parent have to lose by trying these options. It seems to me that they have everything to lose by not doing anything.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Letter to Governor Huckabee
Dear Governor Huckabee,
What in the world were you thinking when you pardoned that fiend of a man to ruthlessly roam the streets of Washington state. I guess that you must have been thankful that he was leaving Arkansas after your generous gift. How could you be so inept as to have not noticed the psychopathic nature of this particular criminal (I refuse to honor him by using his name, you know who I am talking about).
In all of the time he has spent in prison, I find it difficult to believe that his hatred of police was hidden. Certainly there were written records attesting to this passionate hate. They must have been "swept under the rug" so that the devil could make his bargain. I find it hard to believe that there weren't other criminals more deserving. I am not a psychiatrist, but as a member of the general public, I could probably recognize a psychopath as deeply disturbed as this individual without much difficulty.
Our streets are clean of him. He was shot by law enforcement officers today. I will have you know that the generous freedom that you gave him led to the massacre of four police officers, all of whom left families behind that will now be missing a parent. It makes me wonder how you ever got elected or if this man had a rich relative or friend somewhere ready to make a bribe. I may be a Northwesterner, but I have travelled enough to know that Southerners are typically insulted when out-of-towners make fun of their intelligence. You have no excuse, I am an out-of-towner and I am insulting yours.
I hope that you think long and hard about the foolish decision that you made to pardon this man and set him free to commit heinous crimes. You deserve to lose sleep over this decision and pay attention next time, some criminals are beyond rehabilitation.
Sincerely,
A Concernc Citizen in Washington
What in the world were you thinking when you pardoned that fiend of a man to ruthlessly roam the streets of Washington state. I guess that you must have been thankful that he was leaving Arkansas after your generous gift. How could you be so inept as to have not noticed the psychopathic nature of this particular criminal (I refuse to honor him by using his name, you know who I am talking about).
In all of the time he has spent in prison, I find it difficult to believe that his hatred of police was hidden. Certainly there were written records attesting to this passionate hate. They must have been "swept under the rug" so that the devil could make his bargain. I find it hard to believe that there weren't other criminals more deserving. I am not a psychiatrist, but as a member of the general public, I could probably recognize a psychopath as deeply disturbed as this individual without much difficulty.
Our streets are clean of him. He was shot by law enforcement officers today. I will have you know that the generous freedom that you gave him led to the massacre of four police officers, all of whom left families behind that will now be missing a parent. It makes me wonder how you ever got elected or if this man had a rich relative or friend somewhere ready to make a bribe. I may be a Northwesterner, but I have travelled enough to know that Southerners are typically insulted when out-of-towners make fun of their intelligence. You have no excuse, I am an out-of-towner and I am insulting yours.
I hope that you think long and hard about the foolish decision that you made to pardon this man and set him free to commit heinous crimes. You deserve to lose sleep over this decision and pay attention next time, some criminals are beyond rehabilitation.
Sincerely,
A Concernc Citizen in Washington
Monday, November 30, 2009
Thankful for my Life
Last week I went to see the movie "Precious." Fortunately, or not, I had read the book beforehand so I knew what I was in for and the movie was far easier to take than the book. For those of you who are not familiar with the story of "Precious," it is about the saddest version of life one could have in this country. Precious is a sixteen-year-old African-American girl living in Harlem in 1987. She is pregnant with her second child, by her father. The first child was born with Down Syndrome when Precious was twelve. Precious is sexually, physically, and emotionally abused by both of her parents, although her father does not live in the home. She gets kicked out of school for being pregnant and is offered the chance to enroll in the "Each One, Teach One" program which turns out to save her from being a victim of her life.
People who know me know that I am easily traumatized by movies and books about child molestation. The book was terribly hard for me to read and I cried. This made the movie easier to watch and the acting was amazing. What I like about this particular story, is that it brings to light the problems faced by children and women in our culture here in America. As an American, it is sometimes easier for me to think about the kind of life that Precious faced as something that "just doesn't happen here." We all know that it does, but this often gets swept under the carpet and our attention goes to other parts of the world and how we can help there and we end up ignoring the social problems faced by our own country.
Since the concept of "education saves from poverty" was introduced in the 1970's, people have been critical, claiming that is does no such thing. This movie brought to light that education in general does not "save," but the right kind of education can do wonders. The program that Precious was enrolled in was not traditional in any sense of the word and I would be surprised if funding for such a unique and valuable educational opportunity would even be available in today's oppressed educational environment.
So that is it. A sad young girl, given a sad life and making the most of it because of a great teacher. All in all, very inspiring and a wake up call to me for social justice (injustice) in America.
People who know me know that I am easily traumatized by movies and books about child molestation. The book was terribly hard for me to read and I cried. This made the movie easier to watch and the acting was amazing. What I like about this particular story, is that it brings to light the problems faced by children and women in our culture here in America. As an American, it is sometimes easier for me to think about the kind of life that Precious faced as something that "just doesn't happen here." We all know that it does, but this often gets swept under the carpet and our attention goes to other parts of the world and how we can help there and we end up ignoring the social problems faced by our own country.
Since the concept of "education saves from poverty" was introduced in the 1970's, people have been critical, claiming that is does no such thing. This movie brought to light that education in general does not "save," but the right kind of education can do wonders. The program that Precious was enrolled in was not traditional in any sense of the word and I would be surprised if funding for such a unique and valuable educational opportunity would even be available in today's oppressed educational environment.
So that is it. A sad young girl, given a sad life and making the most of it because of a great teacher. All in all, very inspiring and a wake up call to me for social justice (injustice) in America.
Friday, November 13, 2009
On Thankfulness...
Some days, when I am not viewing the world in a negative or cynical light and when I haven't had to share the road with too many bad drivers, I look around me and take stock in the little things that I am thankful for. This week I have had cause to give thanks to the powers that be for my healthy children. Sure, they get sick every once in a while, but they are not disabled. Their brains and bodies work and I get to experience being a parent of "normal" children. I once heard a poem about the birth of a typical child being compared to taking a trip to Italy and the birth of disabled one being compared to a trip to Holland, not what was expected, but over time parents are generally able to learn and grow in the beauty of each trip no matter how unplanned.
It has been fifteen years that I have worked with children of varying mental and physical disabilities and every so often there is a family that comes through the door to the office that gets me in some way and that happened this week. This family took a trip to Holland, a drastically unplanned one at that, about four years ago and as these problems are genetically related, it is unlikely that this child will have a sibling. The child is beautiful in his own way. I can see where the eyes of the appraising and often judgemental public may miss his beauty and I feel for these parents. Just about everything that could go wrong with a child has gone wrong with this kid.
What I think about though is the grief that parents of only children who are disabled must have to go through. To never be able to see their child change emotionally, socially, and cognitively from a three-year-old to a six-year-old to a ten-year-old onto the teenage years, then college, and independent adulthood. To know that the development will stop somewhere between one-year to three-years of age I think would be very hard for any parent to do. I watch and marvel and the strength, courage, and happiness that so many of these parents have day in and day out, what a gift, what a challenge.
It has been fifteen years that I have worked with children of varying mental and physical disabilities and every so often there is a family that comes through the door to the office that gets me in some way and that happened this week. This family took a trip to Holland, a drastically unplanned one at that, about four years ago and as these problems are genetically related, it is unlikely that this child will have a sibling. The child is beautiful in his own way. I can see where the eyes of the appraising and often judgemental public may miss his beauty and I feel for these parents. Just about everything that could go wrong with a child has gone wrong with this kid.
What I think about though is the grief that parents of only children who are disabled must have to go through. To never be able to see their child change emotionally, socially, and cognitively from a three-year-old to a six-year-old to a ten-year-old onto the teenage years, then college, and independent adulthood. To know that the development will stop somewhere between one-year to three-years of age I think would be very hard for any parent to do. I watch and marvel and the strength, courage, and happiness that so many of these parents have day in and day out, what a gift, what a challenge.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Act of God
I saw the documentary film, "Act of God" last night. I actually had a difficult time following the sequence of stories in the film. Although there were some pretty spectacular images of lightening, I did not like the music used to narrate the film, it reminded me of fingernails on the blackboard. What brings me to write about this film viewing today is, it got me thinking about the randomness of life. Some may call this randomness "acts of God," others may refer to it simply as "chance." I consider myself to be somewhere in between. Yes, I believe in God, but contrary to the views expressed by some of the people interviewed in the film, I don't think of disaster (natural or otherwise) as a blessing or something to be considered good in any way. I also think it is somewhat dangerous to view a lightening strike that kills people as something considered to be "good," because it keeps the people still alive from going through the grief process. The film focused on stories about lightening strikes in South America, Cuba, France, and the United States. The participants in South America definitely had a more "this is God's will" view of lightening induced family deaths. I think of these lightening strikes more as chance rather than acts of God.
In the South American deaths, the young people who died had climbed to the top of an unsheltered hill knowing a storm was going to strike. In doing so, there was definitely a chance that they would be struck by lightening. In two of the American stories the participants were in areas of the country where thunder and lightening storms are not uncommon and were also outside in fairly unsheltered areas. If we take these examples away from lightening and look at the randomness of life in general, I think much of it leads to chance based on choices (knowing or not) and behavior that affects the outcome. I don't think of God necessarily as a puppeteer controlling our lives minutely from above.
Are these deaths sad, yes, all death by any means I think of as sad. One thing that we have to come to grips with in our humaneness is that we all have a finite time on this earth and this is something we can't change or control. Sometimes death comes early and sometimes late. I guess, overall, that I just didn't really see the "act of God" connection to the stories presented in this film. I would have gotten much more out of it viewing lightening scenes and actions narrated by beautiful music.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Wal-Mart, Symbol of America
I am horrified, although I don't know exactly why, I shouldn't really be all that surprised about what I read in the paper this morning. About half of the respondents in a new poll chose Wal-Mart as the institution that best symbolizes America today. Personally, I think Wal-Mart is the institution that best symbolizes what is wrong with America today, but I guess that is just my opinion. What do I really have to say about this? Don't the findings speak for themselves? Yet, some people still need to ask why I am a cynic? The article pointed out how other companies like Google, Microsoft, and Goldman-Sachs were "left in the dust" on this one. I would like to point out that the companies that were "left in the dust" are also companies that have a more educated work force than Wal-Mart, they are also companies that do much of their hiring from overseas, does anyone besides me see a correlation here?
Despite its reputation for good bargains, Wal-Mart makes me think of things like labor exploitation and forced price cutting. Are these the "values" we want to continue to be known for throughout the world? Like our primary education system, the focus seems to be on mediocrity. No longer a nation known for the futuristic foresight of innovative greatness, no not us, our symbol of "success" according to some Americans lies in amassing cheap quantities of materialistic goods that can be consumed in the moment. This points to a value of success not based on quality, but based on our ability to bulldoze the competition and live cheaply in the moment.
Despite its reputation for good bargains, Wal-Mart makes me think of things like labor exploitation and forced price cutting. Are these the "values" we want to continue to be known for throughout the world? Like our primary education system, the focus seems to be on mediocrity. No longer a nation known for the futuristic foresight of innovative greatness, no not us, our symbol of "success" according to some Americans lies in amassing cheap quantities of materialistic goods that can be consumed in the moment. This points to a value of success not based on quality, but based on our ability to bulldoze the competition and live cheaply in the moment.
Monday, June 22, 2009
My "Running with Scissors" Moment
Yeah! summer is here, theoretically this should mean less time in the car and more time spent enjoying lazy summer days without paying attention to the dreaded clock. I don't want my kids overbooked in the summer, I don't want to be overbooked in the summer, I just want some downtime please!
One of my children meets with a therapist on a weekly basis. Nothing serious in my mind, just some behavioral issues that we are trying to get a handle on before those dreaded teen years hit. This particular therapist likes to meet with me on a regular basis. Actually she would like to meet with my husband and me together on a regular basis, but scheduling this given my work hours, those of my husband, and her irritatingly limited office hours, has made meeting together pretty damn near impossible with any regularity. So sometimes she meets with me, sometimes with my husband, and sometimes with the two of us together.
I have been thinking that we have been making progress. My daughter has come a long way over the last few months, behaviorally speaking. I am thinking these thoughts as I go in to meet with said therapist today and thinking that maybe we are approaching the end of this therapy journey. I feel confident.
Sadly, the therapist doesn't seem to feel as confident as I do. She seems to think that my daughter is just "on the verge" of doing some critical things, like communicating her feelings appropriately, and suggests that we consider bringing her twice a week. Actually, that was her first suggestion. About mid-way through our meeting she suggested that I bring my daughter in maybe several times a week.
At this moment I had a flashback to the movie "Running with Scissors," the part where Annette Bening drags husband, Alec Baldwin, in to see her crackpot, guru therapist and this therapist tells the couple that they should see him everyday for something like four hours. The therapist then becomes angry at the husband (who laments that he can't commit to that because of work), telling him that he has cleared his schedule for them, why can't they be considerate and clear theirs for him!
Now I don't think that my child's therapist is a crackpot or a guru and amazingly enough our health care insurance would actually cover more sessions. But we are not going to do it. I am going to "parent with my gut" here and quite frankly I think that my child will make more progress in her emotional well-being enjoying a fun and play filled summer than she will be by being driven hither and yon all summer to appointments!
One of my children meets with a therapist on a weekly basis. Nothing serious in my mind, just some behavioral issues that we are trying to get a handle on before those dreaded teen years hit. This particular therapist likes to meet with me on a regular basis. Actually she would like to meet with my husband and me together on a regular basis, but scheduling this given my work hours, those of my husband, and her irritatingly limited office hours, has made meeting together pretty damn near impossible with any regularity. So sometimes she meets with me, sometimes with my husband, and sometimes with the two of us together.
I have been thinking that we have been making progress. My daughter has come a long way over the last few months, behaviorally speaking. I am thinking these thoughts as I go in to meet with said therapist today and thinking that maybe we are approaching the end of this therapy journey. I feel confident.
Sadly, the therapist doesn't seem to feel as confident as I do. She seems to think that my daughter is just "on the verge" of doing some critical things, like communicating her feelings appropriately, and suggests that we consider bringing her twice a week. Actually, that was her first suggestion. About mid-way through our meeting she suggested that I bring my daughter in maybe several times a week.
At this moment I had a flashback to the movie "Running with Scissors," the part where Annette Bening drags husband, Alec Baldwin, in to see her crackpot, guru therapist and this therapist tells the couple that they should see him everyday for something like four hours. The therapist then becomes angry at the husband (who laments that he can't commit to that because of work), telling him that he has cleared his schedule for them, why can't they be considerate and clear theirs for him!
Now I don't think that my child's therapist is a crackpot or a guru and amazingly enough our health care insurance would actually cover more sessions. But we are not going to do it. I am going to "parent with my gut" here and quite frankly I think that my child will make more progress in her emotional well-being enjoying a fun and play filled summer than she will be by being driven hither and yon all summer to appointments!
Friday, May 29, 2009
CRS is Taking Hold
I have that disease, "Now what is it called again? Oh, that's right, Can't Remember Shit (CRS for short)." It is aggravating, infuriating even. I did it again today, I planned an extra work project around the schedule of my child who has a big ballet performance coming up in a couple of weeks, thus extra rehearsals that are not set in my mind, I planned everything around extra rehearsals for next week when really the extra rehearsals don't start until the week following. A number of phone calls, "Uh sorry, but I have CRS you see," later I got it straightened out. It is a good thing that I had those wonderful waking hours between 2:00 and 4:00 am that have become regular for me or I might have not remembered at all.
Credit for the CRS term goes to a friend of mine. She struggles with it too. In fact, just today, she left me a voicemail message and couldn't remember why she called. The funny part was that she was talking to herself and trying to work out why she called over the message. It has made me smile all morning. Yes, she does read this blog, maybe she will post a comment finally! These CRS struggles are good for me to see though, that way I don't feel like I am the only one.
It should also be mentioned that I am a consummate list maker. I have two calendars, one for home and one for the road in addition to my paper lists, I have found that there is more hope of me actually remembering something if I write it down. Even with this level of support I manage to double book myself or my kids, this is especially true when I am trying to fit in extra things to do at work. "Why do a do this? That's right, I suffer from CRS."
Credit for the CRS term goes to a friend of mine. She struggles with it too. In fact, just today, she left me a voicemail message and couldn't remember why she called. The funny part was that she was talking to herself and trying to work out why she called over the message. It has made me smile all morning. Yes, she does read this blog, maybe she will post a comment finally! These CRS struggles are good for me to see though, that way I don't feel like I am the only one.
It should also be mentioned that I am a consummate list maker. I have two calendars, one for home and one for the road in addition to my paper lists, I have found that there is more hope of me actually remembering something if I write it down. Even with this level of support I manage to double book myself or my kids, this is especially true when I am trying to fit in extra things to do at work. "Why do a do this? That's right, I suffer from CRS."
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Reality Television Gone Bad
I have been loosely following the debacle that is the John and Kate Plus 8 series lately. Why? I have to ask myself. I don't really watch television much at all anymore. The screenwriters strike last spring helped me to become unaddicted so to speak. I must admit, however, that the John and Kate Plus 8 series was one that I followed closely in earlier times. I am the mother of multiples and a singleton. While I have twins and the Gosselins have six plus twins, I still found that I was able to relate to many of the things featured when the series was still young. Also, I liked how Kate was more normal, organized, and realistic than some other moms of large families featured on reality T.V. With that said, I gave up the series some time ago when it was not longer reality T.V. I don't want to get caught up in the tabloid presentations of the current state of the family, but one could see where it was headed long before the Gosselins became tabloid headliners.
Subtle hints of things to come like Kate's persistent need to remain obsessive with eight young children at home, fairly consistent talk of needing things to be bigger and better, focusing on freebies and perks, involving more and more outsiders in the family, yada, yada, yada. These things started to turn me off from the series. I don't begrudge a family success, but when it starts to look like it is at the expense of their children, rather than for them I start to lose interest. I don't get too caught up in the fact that Kate appears selfish and overly concerned about her appearance. Most women who have had their heads down in dirty diapers, spit up, and bottles for years on end go through a period of selfishness while they try and re-find who they are. Most women don't go through this on live television. Will the show go on? I don't know. It seemed like a good thing...in the beginning...now it has all just become too Hollywood for me.
Subtle hints of things to come like Kate's persistent need to remain obsessive with eight young children at home, fairly consistent talk of needing things to be bigger and better, focusing on freebies and perks, involving more and more outsiders in the family, yada, yada, yada. These things started to turn me off from the series. I don't begrudge a family success, but when it starts to look like it is at the expense of their children, rather than for them I start to lose interest. I don't get too caught up in the fact that Kate appears selfish and overly concerned about her appearance. Most women who have had their heads down in dirty diapers, spit up, and bottles for years on end go through a period of selfishness while they try and re-find who they are. Most women don't go through this on live television. Will the show go on? I don't know. It seemed like a good thing...in the beginning...now it has all just become too Hollywood for me.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Thankful for Advances in Women's Health
Warning (i.e., Loud Larry) this post may be TMI for some participants.
Early this morning I had a mammogram. My mother is a post-menopausal breast cancer survivor and I am very thankful for these advances in women's health. I am also keenly aware that these advances do not exist in many parts of the world, particularly in parts of the world where women, and thus their health, are not valued. It is not hard to find derision for feminism in the media or in every day conversation. I wonder if women have really thought long and hard about what the world was like prior to feminism. One really need look no further than the Middle East for a plethora of examples, but only a century ago things were not so different for women even here in this country. Yet, people seem to want to go back to that time...a time when women died in childbirth due to poor nutrition and health care, a time when women were not allowed to vote or own property, a time when women were not allowed to travel alone or file for divorce from an abusive husband, a time when a woman would lose custody of her children simply because she was a woman, a time when it was considered obsecene for a woman to work, these are but a few examples of the pre-feminist world. Call me crazy, but I am going to take today to be thankful for women's health and thankful for the technology that may one day save my life.
Early this morning I had a mammogram. My mother is a post-menopausal breast cancer survivor and I am very thankful for these advances in women's health. I am also keenly aware that these advances do not exist in many parts of the world, particularly in parts of the world where women, and thus their health, are not valued. It is not hard to find derision for feminism in the media or in every day conversation. I wonder if women have really thought long and hard about what the world was like prior to feminism. One really need look no further than the Middle East for a plethora of examples, but only a century ago things were not so different for women even here in this country. Yet, people seem to want to go back to that time...a time when women died in childbirth due to poor nutrition and health care, a time when women were not allowed to vote or own property, a time when women were not allowed to travel alone or file for divorce from an abusive husband, a time when a woman would lose custody of her children simply because she was a woman, a time when it was considered obsecene for a woman to work, these are but a few examples of the pre-feminist world. Call me crazy, but I am going to take today to be thankful for women's health and thankful for the technology that may one day save my life.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Deep Thoughts
Sometimes naked
Sometimes mad
Now the scholar
Now the fool
Thus they appear on earth
The free men
-Hindu verse
Sometimes mad
Now the scholar
Now the fool
Thus they appear on earth
The free men
-Hindu verse
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Does Penis Size Really Matter?
It is often considered to be the basest of put-downs, when a woman makes reference to a "small penis size" being the cause of a man's behavior. Small penis size has been attributed to all sorts of behavior including, but not limited to, buying fast cars, driving over-sized cars, buying expensive toys, hunting, and building big buildings. I combed the internet for research into the truth of this put-down and found that there is not much truth to it at all, at least not in the way that it is most commonly used. The general consensus seems to be that men are far more likely to do such things in the hopes of getting laid rather than to make up for what may be lacking in their pants.
www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20070601/small-penis-syndrom-common defines Small Penis Syndrome as: The anxiety of thinking one's penis is too small...even though it isn't. this is totally different from the micropenis which measures 2.75 inches when erect.
Approximately 55% of all men surveyed want a larger penis. Approximately 85% of all women surveyed were content with their partner's penis size.
Kevan Wylie and Ian Eardly are two British Urologist have further defined Small Penis Syndrome as: "An obsessive rumination with compulsive checking rituals, body dysmorphic disorder, or as part of a psychosis."
I found more specific characteristics of this syndrome at www.pvmhmr.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=24026&cn=1
1) Psychological rigidity, obssessionality or fixation
2) Focused and fixated on what women want. Tend to view females as ridiculing, castrating, powerful, and "goddess like." Not the goddess like Aphrodite, but more like the goddess Kali.
3) They thus avoid women and do not have social relationships with them although these relationships are longed for.
4) It is thought that these men may be developmentally delayed in the area of social maturity and be less likely overall to engage in social interactions with both men and women.
5) Inverted narcissism: A form of narcissism whereby the roles of the exploited and exploiter are reversed from their classical position.
6) Body dysmorphic disorder: A condition where a consistent perceptual distortion exists in that a part of the body is thought to be larger or smaller than it actually is.
7) These men also tend to be very angry at themselves, at women, and at the world.
The website that listed these characteristics was probably the best website that I found dedicated to this issue and dedicated to helping men overcome this problem. The researchers wrote about their frustration with trying to help these men. They stated that the men always mailed in their measurements and persisted in thinking that they were too small even when presented with statistics proving the oppostie to be true.
They also stated that many men who experience this syndrome have exposed themselves to pornography and thus a distorted way of thinking about male/female relationships: Replacing intimacy and love with simple and raw sex.
So, I guess that this is a wrap for my first "armchair psychology" post. Next time you are thinking about the "small penis size" put-down, think again, the guys who suffer from this the most are most likely guys women won't even know.
www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20070601/small-penis-syndrom-common defines Small Penis Syndrome as: The anxiety of thinking one's penis is too small...even though it isn't. this is totally different from the micropenis which measures 2.75 inches when erect.
Approximately 55% of all men surveyed want a larger penis. Approximately 85% of all women surveyed were content with their partner's penis size.
Kevan Wylie and Ian Eardly are two British Urologist have further defined Small Penis Syndrome as: "An obsessive rumination with compulsive checking rituals, body dysmorphic disorder, or as part of a psychosis."
I found more specific characteristics of this syndrome at www.pvmhmr.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=24026&cn=1
1) Psychological rigidity, obssessionality or fixation
2) Focused and fixated on what women want. Tend to view females as ridiculing, castrating, powerful, and "goddess like." Not the goddess like Aphrodite, but more like the goddess Kali.
3) They thus avoid women and do not have social relationships with them although these relationships are longed for.
4) It is thought that these men may be developmentally delayed in the area of social maturity and be less likely overall to engage in social interactions with both men and women.
5) Inverted narcissism: A form of narcissism whereby the roles of the exploited and exploiter are reversed from their classical position.
6) Body dysmorphic disorder: A condition where a consistent perceptual distortion exists in that a part of the body is thought to be larger or smaller than it actually is.
7) These men also tend to be very angry at themselves, at women, and at the world.
The website that listed these characteristics was probably the best website that I found dedicated to this issue and dedicated to helping men overcome this problem. The researchers wrote about their frustration with trying to help these men. They stated that the men always mailed in their measurements and persisted in thinking that they were too small even when presented with statistics proving the oppostie to be true.
They also stated that many men who experience this syndrome have exposed themselves to pornography and thus a distorted way of thinking about male/female relationships: Replacing intimacy and love with simple and raw sex.
So, I guess that this is a wrap for my first "armchair psychology" post. Next time you are thinking about the "small penis size" put-down, think again, the guys who suffer from this the most are most likely guys women won't even know.
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